Dating apps? Really?

Whenever a married friend hears that I’ve decided to look for love on the dating apps I’m almost always met with a questioning look like maybe I’ve lost my ever loving mind. They’ll say, “Dating apps? Really?” Like I’ve just given up and decided to wallow in the bottom of the barrel. And I get it. 

Dating apps used to be viewed as something for the crazies, those looking for hookups, or those who couldn’t get a date any other way. None of those apply to me (well, depends who you ask…there may be a few who’d throw crazy in my title 🙃) 

If you’re one of those people who found your partner before about 2010 then you probably look at the apps with a bit of disdain. I know because even though I had been on match.com before it was an app while in my early twenties, I still thought the apps were a little weird. Little did I know that in 2020 my entire life would change, I’d lose my 14-year marriage, and I’d end up looking for love online 😐

Dating apps are not the greatest. That’s for sure. We’ve got ghosting, catfishing, kittenfishing, hatfishing, breadcrumbing, and orbiting just to name a few of the lovely terms I’ve come to know. 

And don’t even get me started on all the acronyms I’ve had to learn. Look, as a former military spouse, I’m no stranger to hearing people talk in acronyms. What is different though is that if they appear on a dating app you can almost certainly bet that you’ll want to wash your eyes after reading the description of what they mean (ask me how I know 😱 ). 

These past couple of years on the apps haven’t brought me the love I’ve been looking for. Not by a long shot. I have however had some interesting dates, made a few great friends, and sadly a few enemies as well (not my choice!) 

I’ve also learned a lot about this new world of modern dating and let me tell you, it’s not a pretty place to be. 

But what are my options? I work from home, go to a small church with zero single men my age, and from what I can tell there are no Christian 40-something hotties roaming around my gym. I’ve attended singles events (it was all women and men way past the stated age range…why guys???) So here I am…dating on the apps again. 

During the pandemic it made sense. No one could leave their homes so I justified my choices by saying that once the world went back to normal I’d get off the apps and meet a dude in real life. But that hasn’t panned out and not for lack of trying! 

I have attended church services in various locations, taken classes where I thought single men might be, and joined the gym I mentioned before. I know there are great single guys out there (I have to believe this!) but where are they? They’re not anywhere I’ve been! 

So, the apps…oh the apps…the best and the worst thing to happen to modern dating. Best because I can shop for dudes the way I shop for junk on Amazon, and worst because the quality has proven to be very low. Even the dudes that I thought were great at first turned out to only be a knock off version of a quality man. The shine wore off and their true colors were revealed (to the tune of ghosting, dumping me for no reason, and not being honest).  

Relationships don’t always work out. Especially at this age when you’re both set in your ways and looking for someone that will fit your life but maybe not disrupt it too much. But, a little common courtesy and decency would really go a long way. And I know I’ve made mistakes too. I get too invested early on, hold on too long, and see oodles of potential where others are spotting red flags. Trust me, I’m in therapy…I know where I go off the rails. 

And even though the apps have brought me things like being stood up for a Facetime call not once but twice by the same dude, meeting someone in a cafe and having no idea it was the person I was supposed to be meeting because he looked NOTHING like his photos, and just general disappointment when something doesn’t work out, I’m still on them, swiping away, truly believing that love is just around the corner, or one right flick of my finger away. 

Am I delusional? Maybe. Will that stop me from trying? Nope. I know I’ll find love again someday. I know God’s got me, and my love story doesn’t end with an unwanted divorce and an ex-husband telling me to go fly a kite. Divorce sucks, God hates it, and it’s not the end of my story. No…this is a woman who narrates romance novels as a side gig, so I know there’s more in store. I just have to keep swiping, keep searching and one of these days it will happen.