Don’t let rejection win

Lately memories have invaded my head…they’re memories of ordinary moments that I probably would never have thought of again in my life if I had stayed on the same course I was on. Things like trips to the grocery store, where I’d run off to find the rice, while he picked out some avocados because I was bad at picking those (or am I just bad at picking in general?). I can hear the sounds of people bustling down the aisles and feel the chill that I always get when I walk past the refrigerated section.

Or memories like walking down a street we’d walked down just about every Sunday afternoon. I can smell the ocean, feel the heat on my face from the sun as we walk along. Remembering vividly a conversation we had about a very basic thing, but it still plays word for word like it meant something significant. I can hear his voice. Laughing, asking me questions…just a normal day in the life of a normal couple who no longer exists. 

When these memories come, they come rapidly and with no warning. They also completely take my breath away. Tears will fill my eyes in an instant and I have trouble seeing what’s in front of me. It feels like I’ve been punched in the stomach as I realize for the umpteenth time that I’ll never have those moments again. In that moment, it feels like I’ve just come to know this fact for the first time. Can you relate? 

Resilience, not rejection

It’s in those moments that I have a choice. I can let rejection win. Let the sadness wash over me and wreck my day, or I can actively work to move forward. To focus on resilience instead of rejection. To show myself that while those moments with that man will never occur in my life again, I have other moments to look forward to. 

Can I be honest? This has been really hard to do. If I had moved on and found someone quickly like my ex did, perhaps I’d be able to leave the past in the past. But, I haven’t. Not even close. This of course brings up all sorts of questions that I’ll save for a future post, but if you’re experiencing this, then you know what I’m talking about. The questions that the enemy puts in our minds to make us feel worthless and unwanted. The questions about what God is doing.

Tale as old as time

In a lot of ways, it’s no different than the questions the enemy taunted Eve with in the garden. His ways have not progressed after all this time. He starts with mixing a little truth with a lie, then gets us to question God’s goodness. He had Eve believing that God was keeping something from her in that garden, and if I’m not careful he has me believing God is keeping happiness from me by denying me a partner to spend my life with…by not saving the marriage I loved. “If God were good, wouldn’t he have let you move on too?” the enemy whispers in my ear. “If God really loved you, wouldn’t he answer the deepest cry of your heart?” he says wickedly in those moments when I’m doubting. 

God is good all the time

We know that God is not a cosmic genie in the sky answering prayers for us if we say just the right words in the right tone of voice. Sometimes good people experience bad things. Sometimes bad people experience good things. There is no guarantee that if we follow Him we live happily ever after on earth. And sure, that’s not something worthy of printing on a mug or sharing as an inspirational quote, but it’s reality. 

We won’t know on this side of heaven why things happened the way they did. We simply won’t. So, if you came here looking for those kinds of answers, I’m sorry to disappoint you. 

But, what we can know is that God is good and He does work things out for the good of those who love Him. It’s not just a cute Bible saying to post on Instagram when we’re feeling inspired. It’s something we can live by. Something we can cling to. Something we can say through tears as our worlds are burning down around us. 

Rejection is incredibly painful. When it comes from a romantic partner, it’s even more painful because this person that had all of you now wants to pretend you never existed. They reject the very core of your heart and that hurts. One thing I’ve come to realize over this journey is that X’s rejection of me is more about him.

The things he said to me and about me to others are more his issues than mine. His refusal to ever have a conversation with me during our divorce… His lack of empathy for my struggle to understand what was going on, when I begged him to please just talk to me. Please, just let me see him one more time.

The unbelievably cruel texts he sent to me that seemed to come from my worst enemy, not the man I had loved for over 14 years. When someone who used to be your best friend calls you filthy and horrible names you’d personally never call your worst enemy, it’s hard not to own that, take it in, and let it become part of you. But if you do that, that’s how rejection wins. 

Processing pain takes time

It has been incredibly difficult to process through this divorce and the pain it left in its wake, but I’m working on it. I started by replacing those lies I was told with truth from God’s word. X says I’m this (I keep my blog clean, so I won’t be sharing actual verbiage, but God says I’m set apart. X says I’m this, but God says I was made in His image….X says I’m this, but God says He sent His Son to die for me because I am valuable to Him. You get the picture. 

Does it solve all the problems at once? No, but it does help clear up the noise that is fighting for your attention. The lies that want to take you out and tell you that you’re worthless and shouldn’t even bother. But you should. God is in this with you. Even when the pain is overwhelming. Even when you’re tempted to believe the lies. God is there. He has a plan. It will all make sense in the end. Just trust Him and keep speaking truth over your life, and that’s how you make sure rejection doesn’t win,